...

I had a whole post in my head. A happy post about birthday party prep, the start of a fresh semester making things look less stressful than they are with pretty pictures in natural light and things that make me smile.

I had this whole post written in my head, I had everything planned. and then today happened.

I had class. Fine. (not the most engaging and I catch up on a whole lotta pinterest, but thats a story for another time.)

I needed somethings from Walmart, and we were out of kid milk (again..) so I had to take the girls out for a couple of errands.

We get to walmart where Ella is completely devestated to find out that it was not in fact "moo mart with clarabelle" from the mickey mouse clubhouse as she previously thought on the whole ride over. And then the cart came out, and Phie went in, and that was where Ella wanted to help push, etc. By the time we passed the Valentine candy display she was in a complete meltdown. There was shrieking and stomping. By the time we got back to the baby section she was doing what could only be described as "knee walking" and still yelling at the top of her lungs. I, of course, walked 10 feet in front of her, hoping to entice her to get on her feet so that she will not be left behind.

I got the sympathetic looks from knowing mothers, as that is the only ones who seem to populate MooMart at 10:53 am on a Wednesday morning.

We continued through the store. Me and Phie with the cart, Ella knee walking her way past each aisle still screaming so hard I could see her uvula.

16 minutes later I had all that I needed in my cart and we checked out as fast as possible. At this point I had her on my hip, the diaper bag on my other shoulder and guiding the cart with Phie with the other hand. I have sweat dripping down my neck (because a 26 pound toddler, a sweater, a 10 pound diaper bag and all of that frustration/embarassment will do that to you.), and I loaded everyting and everyone in the car as fast as humanly possible.

I just wanted to be home.

But we were out of milk.

So Kennie's was a must. Awesome.

The first problem here came when we stepped out of the car.

It is a tad windy, and I have a toddler with a completely irrational (and out of the blue!) fear of wind. "It blows my hai way (hair away)"

"No Ella, how old is Auntie Piggie? SO old. and she still has hair! All the wind she has seen and none of it has blown away"

More screaming, crying, and trying to wriggle out of my hand in the crowded parking lot in hopes of getting somewhere there is no wind.

"No Ella, It won't blow your hair away. Its just the holy spirit"

more crying, more screaming. more wriggling.

So we get inside.
This time she doesn't want a cart at all.

"We have to get a cart Ella. Do you want the car cart?"
"No"
"ok, then we're get this little one. We only need one thing"


And more uvula screaming.

AGAIN with the knee walking.
More sympathetic and knowing glances.

all the way through Kennie's market.
All I heard was my toddler screaming bloody murder.
I was pretty sure that is all anyone could here.

Constant.

screaming.

knee walking.

finally I got the milk, and grabbed some not so healthy stuff for lunch because at this point I had withheld almost 50 minutes of constant screaming and fighting.

but we got it. everything we needed. We were heading to the checkout. I grabbed her under my arm. The screaming got louder, but we were making a break for it.

I was within 10 feet of the checkout with my two littles, and 3 items.

when I was intercepted.
A man with a plastic shopping basket filled with cheese from the deli and a pint of milk and a loaf of white processed bread.

and here is the direct quote.

"You should really get that child out of here. She's really ruining this for everyone in the store. What she really needs is a swift hit on the ass."

I stood and blinked at him. stunned. half smiled that "i'm sorry I'm trying" smile and walked on as he stomped off in a huff.

Ella was quiet. She just looked at him as he walked away and then at me.

I stood shocked. and then headed to the checkout and proceeded to check out while I was trying to process what he said.

really?
I'm sorry for ruining your and every other person in the store's "shopping experience." I'm sorry that my child is screaming her head off. I'm sorry that I tried will all of my will power to not give in to her tantrum and to not get angry and to keep my voice calm THE WHOLE time she was doing this.

Did he think I LIKED having to listen to my kid exert her power struggle through two stores?
Did he think that I wasn't trying?
Embarassed?
Frustrated?
Have ears that were practically bleeding after what was now an hour?

We came home. ate unhealthy lunch. and then proceeded to NOT nap all afternoon and continue tantrum after tantrum. Screaming. Crying. Frustrated.

But that was my day. It can't be changed.

After they went to bed I took a shower to wash off the day. Read 40 pages for class and worked on the 3 pages of writing that are due by noon tomorrow.

I had a whole post written. A happy post that tied up my current life into a happy package.
But that's not how my current day to day is. It is hard. It is messy. It is sweaty, and tear filled, and a constant power struggle with one who does not understand her feelings or emotions.

That is my day to day.
Yes, I did ruin some patrons shopping experiences today, but I was doing the best I could at that very moment in time. And to me, that's what truly counts in the end.

Maybe tomorrow can be a happy post. But today, today is messy and today is life.