Thursday, October 13, 2011

i am.

I am a mama.
I am a mama who stays at home full time.

I am a mama who is a full time graduate student.

I am a mama who sometimes turns on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for her toddler just to get the infant down for a nap.

I am a mama who makes at least three to do lists per day.

I am a mama who sometimes eats nutella off a spoon.

I am a mama who makes her green smoothies "too spinachy" for other members of her house.

I am a mama who can't contain her need to create.

I am a mama who worries that she is never doing enough.

who silently judged other moms until I became one myself.

who, on the bad days, dreams of how easy seminary could be without kids.

who can't fathom life without my girls.

who is so fiercely in love with my kids that it hurts sometimes.

who thinks it is ok to teach your kids to self-soothe

who thinks breaks, when offered, make me an infinitely better mom.

I am a mama who still thinks its weird that I'm called (and allowed to be a...) mom.

I am a mama who is feeling a little too much like a slave to technology.

I am a mama.

The other day I was going down the line of the things I check online (c'mon, we all do it..), and i was at facebook, when Ella came up and stepped on the cord to my mac, causing it to turn off in the middle.

At first I was angry, and then realized what am I doing?! I'm angry because my kid wants me to pay attention to her and not the machine in front of me?!

That's when I was done with it.
I realized that technology is too big in our house.
There are times when the kids are in bed and Luke and I should be catching up on our day or enjoying the quiet, but instead we are both on computers reading about whatever we pretend is important.

but it's not.
nothing is as important as being together.

While I'm not ready to give up facebook completely, or not look at the new pins my friends have posted, this is my call for me to slow down on it.

Today I'm unplugged. When the kids are awake I'm fully engaged. When the kids are asleep, I'm working on the projects I have started and not yet finished.

So here I am, signing off.

Today I'm only going to be a mama.

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