THE question.

every morning I make coffee for the community's enjoyment. It is my job. I must be there. Sometimes there are people there in the morning, others I work alone. I cherish both kind of days.

But with the gamble of it being in a public place, there are some days filled with awkward conversation that I am forced to engage in with no way out from behind the counter.

The other day I was forced to partake in such a conversation...

"Good Morning, Kelly."
"Oh, hi, good morning"

"blarhdblahredlhalkejh?"
(when right next to the machine, I cannot hear ANYTHING people. Its HARD to carry on a cohesive conversation while trying to brew..)
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Are you planning to breastfeed your child?"

BAM!

there it is. A dreaded, personal question that many women get while pregnant. Although with no. 2 I have gotten quite a few of the rude, "Already? were you trying?" and "Already? Are you insane?" I have gotten the breastfeeding question an unusual amount.

two things.
1. How is that your first question after saying hello at 7:53 in the morning on a Friday?
2. I don't know you that well. Does my choice on how and what to feed my child really concern or affect you in the least?

I know, I know. I may be overreacting. But on this subject, I am super sensitive. With monkey it was hard. They tell you its hard, but I don't think any new mother truly understands WHAT that mean. Not just pain with the actual act, but pain after birth, trying to get to know this new life, your whole life upside down, trying to juggle visitors, wanting to show off your new little, while also wanting to hole up in your house forever and never have to deal with the world outside again.

My experience was one of pain, tears, support of family, and infection. Horrible infection that I was not prepared to deal with the week after giving birth and having a traumatic experience.

After 3 weeks, I entertained the thought. Just the thought, formula would be so much easier. But it is people who are the same type of people who ask me early on a Friday morning who make it such a horribly difficult decision. I cried about this for days. Went to the trusty Internet to find out if I would kill my child by feeding them formula (and according to some, the answer was yes...). I discussed it with my husband for 8 days straight. I would cry and its pretty much all I talked and thought about.

In the end, the pain and tears seemed to be hurting my baby more than the other. I would risk death by formula in order to be able to better mother my child.

And guess what?

We had a great time together for the last 14 months, getting to know each other and having her get to share feeding with her daddy as well.

I have a strange connection to getting it right this time. Maybe it is the close to $7,000 we spent on formula in the last year. Maybe it is the helping of losing the baby weight. Maybe it is the antibodies (although, news flash, formula will NOT kill your child). But I'll do it. It will be done.

*Steps off of soapbox*