Monday, July 29, 2013

on bottles, nursing, and guilt.

I have the rest of the birth story to go..but have yet to edit any pictures from that time..and quite frankly I just don't have the editing energy at this point in the game.

So here's what is on my mind 3 weeks into this third newborn adventure.

My kid isn't gaining weight.

She lost the usual amount in the hospital, a week later she was down a pound. A week later she was down even more. My little 7 lb 13 ounce bundle of joy had withered to 6 lb 4 ounces.

The doctor seemed concerned.

she had the right amount of dirty diapers, she was eating like a champ, just no weight gain.

The doctor told us to supplement with formula.

I pushed back. No. I was nursing my little.

We went through the same exact (with a difference of maybe 3 ounces) with Sophia. We knew the drill. The peds would push for formula, I would tell them fine but then not do it. It was an all or nothing thing for me with Sophie. I knew the slippery slope of the ease of a bottle. Ella was formula fed after 3 weeks..and she turned out FINE (better than fine!).

I'm not sure why it was such a thing for me. Mostly guilt. but also some selfishness, and nervousness, and determination.

So fast forward. 

We're 2.5 years older. 
There are two other crazy girls with a LOT of energy to take care of (read: yell at when they get into everything they are not supposed to).

Lucy is not gaining weight. Developmentally she's fine, but weight wise it looks like she is not growing.

which also translates into waking our really good sleeper every 2 hours around the clock except for the one 4 hour stretch she is allowed to have.

And gosh am I tired.
Which is a given.
But if you know you can get more, it just..stinks.

And so we did it.
We went and bought a can of formula.

The beginning of the end?

I don't think this time
It doesn't feel so much like an all or nothing thing.

She nurses like a champ, just needs a little extra to push her above her birth weight.

So she gets two measly bottles.
4 little ounces of formula per day.

and it still kills me to see her daddy feeding her instead of me.
But that is still just mostly feelings of guilt. and selfishness. and determination.

Someone posted on facebook a link to an article about what breastfeeding moms say vs. what formula feeding moms hear. It was supposed to be a balanced article...but I can tell you having been on both sides, no matter what anyone says, it is NOT. There is so much guilt associated with formula feeding are a failure of a mom if you give them *gasp* chemical ridden formula. And I can tell you, I have often felt guilty that I did not try harder with Ella. I'm mostly over it, but it still stings to think about it. Or to hear friends say that people who don't nurse are lazy, or don't try hard enough. 

Because there is NOTHING WRONG with formula. 

But the guilt still is there.

It doesn't have to be. 

And so Luke will continue to feed Lucy those couple of bottles each day until she gains.

Or maybe forever.

Because there are just so many other things to worry about when your baby is 3 short weeks old and they grow way too fast to worry so much about what others think.

No comments:

Post a Comment