Cpe. Clinical pastoral education. I was told by my wise supervisor that one unit, 10 weeks, take a full 7 years to fully process. I thought that was rubbish. 7 years? Seven YEARS? No.
Lately I have found this to be coming true for me. Last summer I spent my required CPE unit at a retirement community. I met lots of folks, and truly learned a lot to help me in my futu ministry.
I was, however, going through the first hormone filled, nauseous, exciting, confusing first trimester of my second pregnancy.
Tis was focued on a lot, and was constantly involved in everything I did. I then ended my unit and was forced to face. The pregnancy full on and start school 1 week later. My processing stopped, I just wanted to forget about CPE and all that I saw, said, anylyzed. Put it behind me. I was facing Greek and growing a new life. So that's what I did.
But here's the thing. You can't. CPE isn't that easy (in more ways than one).
Recently as the newborn haze is dispersing and I'm facing the summer one year later. I would be starting my unit a little over a year and a month ago. I see my unit-mates around the halls and it comes flooding back. The emotion of bible studies planned and carried out, the analyzation of each others' preaching, and all of the group times and the things said that will never leave that sacred place. Sometimes I want to just sit with them, remember, and process. But that's not how the system works. Thats not how the system should work. We did the group time. The group was over the moment we walked out of those doors the last day that we looked forward to so very much. We left that group with Alan, Doris, Vivian, and George. In that sacred space.
And so now I am left to process and figure it out on my own. How my experience in that place with those people fits into my life experience and my ministry.
And now, one year later, I only have 6 more years to go.