Monday, January 17, 2011

Today will be beautiful.

Today is the day my second girl will enter the world.

Its such a strange feeling knowing what is going to happen to me today. The pain, the joy. All at once, all today.

Last time I was thrust into induction so quickly that it almost didn't give me time to think. The element of surprise was almost that of going "naturally".

This time there was a lot of thinking, a lot of worrying, a lot of excitement, a lot of cleaning. And that felt good too.

But today is the day we will meet her.

and that blows my mind.

The only thing I know is my experience with E.
The only thing I know is horrible traumatizing experience in a hospital.

All I keep thinking is I want to just have her and bring her home. No waiting around in the hospital, no gross bland food, no nurses coming in every hour to check my blood pressure. No one else checking my sugar and the baby's sugar but me.

But that was my experience last time. It is the only thing I know.

So many different emotions go along with birth. It is hard to wrap them all up neatly and get on with the day.

But then again, I guess they don't have to be wrapped up neatly. They can just be.
One tar can be that of worry, the other that of pain, and the next a tear of the purest joy one can imagine.

All brought on by a little bit of pitocin and a small slippery little baby.

And today all of these emotions, every emotion and feeling from the last nine month will converge into a small being.

And today will be a beautiful day.

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