Confession #4: I feel like I am drowning.
Drowning is really the only way to describe it at the moment (and all of the moments in the past 2 or 3 weeks.)
I am a full time, stay-at-home mom. I also am a full time grad student. I also have a husband that works at least 75 hours a week. I also have a lot of laundry and my washer and dryer is currently hooked up at my inlaws house because I have no hook up at the moment. I also have a lot of dishes without a dishwasher. I also have an over active 7 month old, and an over active rat terrier.
I am drowning.
This post is not to complain, please don't misunderstand me.
But if you see me and I look tired, or if you come to my house and you wonder how any human could possibly reside in such a mess, this may be why.
As the water gets higher, I feel like I have lost my sense of self a bit. I often feel like a bit of failure that I cannot do all of the "stay-at-home mom things" like laundry, dishes and take care of the monkey. I also feel as though I cannot fully be involved in the seminary life as much as I want to because of my at home obligations and my lack of a present husband in the evenings. I struggle with this balance daily.
I'm not sure how to get out of this funk, but have decided that maybe organizing my life in terms of things I can do for me, make myself feels good and help the good of the order.
Enter the Happiness Project.
Now, to be fair, I haven't committed on the website. I, in fact, have not even read that much of the website because who has time? BUT I like the idea of monthly resolutions to better yourself. They seem a little more managable. And as my New Years resolutions slip to the realm of not happening as they normally do, then maybe setting smaller resolutions that may just dam the water for a while is the answer.
So for March (even though today it is half over...):
1. Stop biting my nails, maybe even paint them once in a while. This maybe seem trivial, but I'm tired of gnawed up unfeminine nails. Maybe pretty nails is the key to pretty confidence.
2. Do something interntially active each day. I have been good with going to the gym 4 times a week for the past few weeks, and though I think that my double chin is pleased with this, I definitely could be doing more. (and walking to class is not intentionally active.) Plus, with the weather as gorgeous as it has been, it makes me want to get the little one out and move!
3. Clean up for 10 minutes each day. This may help my sanity, my house, and my embarassment every time someone (babysitters especially) enters my home.
4. Writing Down what I eat. Not counting calories or carbs, but just writing it down. I can work on the other part later (as in how BAD I'm eating) but writing it down is the first step and adds a bit of accounability to myself.
5. Do something creative each day. I NEED this outlet. I notice a sustancial difference in my mood and irritability when this doesn't happen. Even one knit row releases something-it may be called happiness.
So there. 5 things to do each and every day for the next 15 days.
Now to sit back and watch the water subside? I'll let you know.