Lately, I have been having this strange feeling, especially in my uncomfortable moments, a realization that my body isn't really mine anymore. I eat for the baby, whatever it wants I crave, and usually satisfy that craving enough to make it go away. Usually that is just none bite of ice cream, or one sip of orange soda, or one peanut butter and marshmallow sandwich, but it never feels like its for me. I sleep in uncomfortable positions for it. I won't celebrate St. Patty's day today because of it. Though this sounds like a huge sacrifice, I am perfectly willing and still love it. I guess I'm "becoming a parent," whatever that means.
I also need to comment on the belly thing. It is noticable to the public I think now, yet I'm not out of the stage where people look at me, obviously look at my belly, and then say nothing. I told the BYG leaders this weekend, and they all commented that they didn't think that I was just fat and wondered. I think it will be nice when people can just tell and ask when I'm due and know that this body isn't mine at the moment.
I have alway wondered what it feels like to have a growing baby inside of me. I thought it would feel like my body, with just this extra bump on the front that I have to carry around. I thought it similar to the strap on bellies they have in the movies, that it would feel like that only you couldn't take it off. I was wrong. It doesn't feel any different. I get tired and out of breath, but not because of the 6 extra pounds I've gained, but because all of my organs are being pushed up and my lungs do not have as much room. I bump into things constantly with my belly, not even realizing it is there, I notice this especially when trying to reach things on a high shelf and the counter gets in the way. Even more so I notice it when I try to hug my husband. This has become such a natural motion over our years, that I continually get stopped short with this extra pouch I'm carrying around. It just feels like a part of me that I forget is there. I don't feel any different. I usually think I feel fat, but only when I first try to put on any of my clothes, once I find something that fits (usually in Luke's closet), then I just feel like myself again.
its a strange feeling, this pregnancy thing.
week 17 starts today :)
this is beautiful. i've never heard any of these things before, maybe because i've never had an openly pregnant friend before.
ReplyDeletethank you for sharing all this. it's nice to feel part of your life when so far away : )